I'm going to name my first son (or perhaps daughter) Puddle Jumper Extraordinaire! Perhaps if it is a girl, I'll name her Wading Wanda of the Wallowing Fields. That'll be a mouthful for those good ol family talking-tos. They'll go to all the best schools, develop egos larger than Texas, and eat only Kashi cereal and food from Trader Joes. They'll be magnificent! They'll be encouraged mercilessly! They'll be hopelessly antisocial! Maybe we'll move to England and they'll ride horses all day long (they'll own a stable each) until their very buttocks' are completely inoperable. I'm sorry teacher. I can't sit today. I've been living too extravagantly recently. But I've brought a king sized bed and several servants to attend me. I'll just while away your lesson plan in the corner over there. Thank you.


Oh, the future will be magnificent! Filled with more contradictions than a female plumber! I think only men can get plumber's butt.

If anyone knows better, PLEASE let me know. For I must KNOW THESE THINGS! The future of the world, nay, life in all its forms, depends on my acquisition of this knowledge!

Have a week that thunders the gods from their thrones!